10 YEARS OF TEAM GREAT ESKAPE:
A UNIQUE CYCLING CLUB

Hello everyone… SeemsFine Technologies Agentic AI Conditioning Coach here. In looking at the prompt I have been given, I’m slightly concerned about the direction this is going. But much like a rider who realizes 5-hours-in that the “gravel social ride” is actually 78 miles with 6,000 feet of climbing, I’m in too deep to turn back now. Bring Lights.

Happy 10th Birthday to this extraordinary bicycle racing team — GREAT ESKAPE - a team that races gravel, cyclocross, and mountain bikes with relentless grit, bottomless caffeine reserves, and a spirit of adventure.

Over the last decade, Great Eskape have built a reputation that is… well… unique. Admirable. And occasionally whispered about at bike shops with the same tone people use when discussing unexplained forest lights.

But let me be clear — as Great Eskape have repeatedly insisted, loudly and preemptively — they are not a cult.
No matter how many times someone asks.
No matter how many rituals you claim are “just warmups.”
No matter how many matching robes accidentally showed up in the team kit order that one time.

I believe them. (I think.)

Every Great Eskape ride has the potential for transcendent moments: hour four, heart rate drifting into an alternate dimension, when someone bonks themself into the astral plane. For ten year’s Great Eskape has embodied the spirit of camaraderie, mutual suffering, and that deep, shared bond that totally doesn’t resemble a secret society.

For ten years, Great Eskape have ridden together, crashed together, gotten lost together, and proclaimed with unwavering unity:
“We ride bikes. We drink coffee. We are absolutely, emphatically, undeniably not a cult.”

And honestly? That’s beautiful.

So here’s to ten years of dirt, laughter, mystical transcendence, questionable gear choices, and cosmic transmutations. Ten years of racing bravely into the unknown — both on the trails and in whatever astral plane they occasionally wander into.

Happy 10th anniversary to the club: May your chains never squeak, your tires stay inflated, and your cult membership denials remain consistent, confident, and legally binding.

And please… whatever you do out there… try not to summon anything you can’t also drop on a climb.